
Catapult Calamity
Dodge the boulders. Last one standing wins.
The goblins have wheeled their catapults round the yard and they are not aiming at the walls. More boulders, faster, the longer it goes.

Over a hundred minigames, eight guests, one very stingy host.
A party game for up to eight. Lord Treasurer Grumbar throws a party under his own big top and everyone plays his minigames, one after another: dodge, race, shove, fish, chop, herd, count, keep time and push your luck. Win and he pays out points, grudgingly. Lose and he bills you for it.
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How it plays
Meteors to dodge, lava to cross on drifting stones, sheep to bark into a pen, trees to fell on your rivals, a pond to fish, cottages to save with a bucket, and a putting green Grumbar charges nobody for.
Each minigame has its own ring under Grumbar's big top, with a crowd in the stands, from a frozen lake to a goblin night market to a haunted churchyard.
A miserly dwarf in a walking bank vault, with something to say about every game and a bill for everything, resurrections included.
Knocked out and you pop in a shower of coins. Come last and a vault safe falls on you. Miss the podium at the end and your account is closed. Loudly.
Play with friends online or against computer guests on three skills. Pick from twenty-seven characters, or let the game put you in a costume.
Spin Grumbar's wheel, vote on the next game, let the loser choose, or set your own playlist. The last game pays double.
119 of them, each in its own arena. Grumbar picks the next one with his wheel, you vote, or the guest in last place chooses.

Dodge the boulders. Last one standing wins.
The goblins have wheeled their catapults round the yard and they are not aiming at the walls. More boulders, faster, the longer it goes.

Dodge the firepots and their flames. Last one standing wins.
Every pot that lands leaves the ground burning for a while. Room to run shrinks fast.

The sky is falling. Last one standing wins.
Meteors the size of carts, with a long glow before each one hits. Watch the ground, not the sky.

Keep out of the burning lines. Last one standing wins.
A dragon makes strafing runs over the meadow. Each run glows a stripe across the field before the fire comes down.

Keep away from the spiders. Last one standing wins.
Something has been nesting in the cellar. They crawl out of the holes in the floor, and they are getting quicker.

The trees are waking up. Last one standing wins.
Where the ground glows green a treant climbs out. They are slow, but they never stop coming.

The dead are getting up. Last one standing wins.
A night in the old churchyard, and every grave has a skeleton in it that wants a word.

Stay healthy. The last healthy guest wins.
One guest has caught something nasty and it spreads by touch. Everyone they catch joins the hunt, and every guest a ghoul catches lifts it up the table.

Pass the lit keg on before it blows. Last one standing wins.
Touch someone to hand them the keg, or throw it. The fuse is never the same length twice.

Two lit kegs this time. Last one standing wins.
Twice the kegs, twice the shouting. Nobody may hold both.

The ice cracks under you. Last one standing wins.
Every slab you step on cracks and drops into the lake a moment later. Keep moving, and do not double back.

The floor falls into the lava. Last one standing wins.
An old keep over a lake of fire, and its flagstones were never meant to take this much running about.

Jump the flames as the wheel turns. Last one standing wins.
Four arms of fire turn round the brazier, faster as it goes. Every so often the wheel slows, stops and turns back: keep clear of the wake behind an arm.

Hop the scythes. Last one standing wins.
Two great scythes sweep the churchyard, low to the ground. Time the jump, not the run.

Stay in the safe circle when the spikes come. Last one standing wins.
One patch of floor never spikes. It wanders, it shrinks, and it waits for nobody.

Stay in the warm light when the frost comes. Last one standing wins.
A lantern of warm light drifts across the frozen pond. Anyone left out in the cold when the frost bites is frozen out of the game.

When the music stops, take a throne. One fewer throne than guests.
Dance about the hall. When the music stops the thrones appear, and anyone left standing is out.

When the music stops, claim a standing stone. One fewer stone than guests.
A stone circle under the moon. Dance while the pipes play; when they stop, the stones rise and their runes wait for a hand. Anyone without one is out.

When the music stops, sit on a toadstool. One fewer than guests.
A fairy ring in the wood. Dance round it, and when the music stops the toadstools pop up. Find one to sit on or you are out.

Dodge the herds (or hop them). Last one standing wins.
Somebody left the gate open. Cows, boars and goats, all at once, from wherever they like.

Shove everyone else into the water. Last ogre dry wins.
Big lads on a small jetty. Charge to shove, and mind the edge.

Greased pigs on an icy pond. Last pig on the ice wins.
Everybody is a pig and the pond has frozen over. Charging is easy. Stopping is not.

Bear beats boar, boar beats wolf, wolf beats bear. Last beast standing wins.
Change shape to beat whoever is coming for you. Two of the same just bounce.

Shoot the others. Two hits and you are out. Last archer standing wins.
Arrows follow whoever they were loosed at, but they turn slowly. Change direction late and let them sail past.

Spit fire at the others. Two hits and you are out.
Salamanders do not share a rock. The mushrooms stop a fireball; nothing else does.

Do what the Scrap King says. Three mistakes and you are out.
Freeze, jump, run north, stand on the rune. He gets faster, and he is not fair.

Walk the runes in the order they lit. One wrong step and you are out.
Watch the runes light up, then walk them in the same order. One more each round.

One guest is a giant ogre. Squash them all, or survive till the bell.
Lunchtime on the farm, and the ogre is hungry. Everyone else: keep your distance.

Cross the market roads. First across wins.
Market day, and the carters stop for nobody. A cart sends you back to the start.

Run up the beach through the waves. First to the top wins.
The tide is coming in hard, and a wave that catches you carries you back down the beach. One lane is always clear: look ahead and pick it.

Move only while the Sentinel looks away. First to touch it wins.
When it turns round, freeze. Anyone it sees moving goes back to the start. It likes to pretend.

Creep your sheep to the far end on green. Stop on amber. Move on red and you go back.
The lamp towers down the field go green, amber and red. Run on green, stop when they turn amber, and do not twitch on red. They like to trick you.

Whip your steed to the line, but not too hard.
Every whip is a burst of speed and a bit more heat. Too much heat and your steed stumbles.

Sneak past the lamplighters. First across the garden wins.
Cats are not allowed in the palace garden. If a lantern finds you, back to the gate you go.

Mash to warm your egg. First to hatch wins.
Every guest has a drake egg and it will not hatch by itself. Press, press, press.

Pump your bellows to blow up your balloon. First to burst it wins.
Every guest has a balloon on a pair of bellows. Pump as fast as you can: the first balloon to burst wins, and the rest are placed by how big theirs got.

Grab the most gold. Shove others to knock coins out of them.
The old mine has coughed up a fortune. Bars are worth three. A shove shakes two coins loose.

Gold is buried somewhere on the beach. Your meter is warmer the closer you stand. Dig with A. Most gold wins.
Grumbar buried some of the treasury here and has, regrettably, forgotten where. Walk until your meter glows, then dig. Each find is three points, and the gold is buried again somewhere new, so keep moving.

Cast from the bank with A. When the float goes under, strike with A, then press A fast to reel it in. Most points wins.
Grumbar stocked his pond years ago and has never once caught anything in it. Cast from the bank and wait. When the float goes under, strike at once: too soon and the fish is off, too late and it is gone. A big fish takes more reeling, and a golden one takes a great deal.

Chop trees with A. A felled tree falls away from you and flattens whoever it lands on. Most points wins.
Grumbar wants his wood cut and sees no reason to pay a forester. Five chops fell a tree, the last one takes it, and it falls the far side from your axe, so stand where it will drop on a rival. Every tree felled is a point and every guest under it is two more. Watch the shadows, because the others have axes too.

Line up behind your ball: A to start the swing, A again to strike. First in the cup scores. Most points wins.
Grumbar has laid a putting green and charges nobody for it, which he would like noted. Walk round behind your ball so it lies between you and the cup, start the swing, and stop it at the power you want. The first ball to drop scores and the cup moves on. Sand slows a ball, and a ball can be knocked off its line by another.

Stand on a tile and turn it with A. Turn two alike and they are yours. Everyone sees what you turn. Most pairs wins.
Grumbar has laid out his valuables face down, two of each, and promises them to whoever can find the matches. Turn one tile, then another: a pair is yours, anything else goes back down. Every guest sees every tile turned, so watch the others as closely as your own.

You never stop, and fire burns where you have been. Touch it and you burn. A hops a line. Last one standing wins.
Grumbar has had the floor soaked in lamp oil, at no small expense, and every guest leaves a line of fire behind it. The stick turns you, but you never stop. The fire burns longer as the game goes on, and now and then a line breaks for a moment, which is a way through. A hop clears a line if you time it.

Drive the sheep into your own pen. Bark with A to send them running. Most sheep penned wins.
Every guest has a pen and the flock is loose in the middle. A sheep runs from whoever comes close, so come at it from the far side and walk it home. A bark sends every sheep near you bolting straight away from you, so aim it well. The others would love your sheep in their pen.

Gather the loose sheep into a line behind you. Dash through a rival's line to cut it. Longest line wins.
The flock has got out on to the farm, and every sheep you touch falls in behind you and follows wherever you go. Dash through someone else's line and everything behind the one you hit runs loose again. A long line is slow: guard it, or spend it.

Light kegs to blow the crates and catch the others in the blast. Last one standing wins.
Grumbar keeps his powder in a cellar of stone pillars and crates. Press A to light a keg where you stand, then get clear: it blows in a cross, and the glow on the floor shows where. Blown crates sometimes hide a longer blast, a second keg or quicker feet. A blast sets off any keg it reaches.

Step the way the band calls, on the beat. Dead on scores three; a streak doubles it, then trebles it.
Grumbar has hired a band, and everyone is on the floor. The steps come down the lane at the top: up, right, down, left. Step that way with the stick as each one reaches the line. Miss a beat and your streak starts again.

Carry blocks home and stack the tallest tower. Set each one down as the tower swings back to the middle.
Grumbar wants a skyline for the vault. Blocks spill across the yard; carry one at a time to your plinth and press A to set it on top. The taller it stands the more it sways, and a block set down mid-swing brings the top third down for anyone to pinch. Shove a rival to make them drop theirs.

Fly your griffin through the rings in the sky. A ring counts for whoever flies it first; a gold one is worth three.
Everyone rides a griffin over the meadow, and Grumbar has hung rings in the air. A griffin turns wide, so line up early. Swoop to put on speed for a ring someone else is after.

Catch the coins raining down. Cursed coins cost you.
Coins pour from the top of the tent, a gold bar now and then, and a cursed black coin among them that takes two away. Shove a rival to make them drop what they carry.

Pick the good mushrooms. The red ones are not good.
Brown is one, gold is three, red makes you ill and costs you two. They all look tasty in a hurry.

Catch the most chickens. The duck is worth three.
The hens are out and they do not want to go back in. Corner them against the fence.

Eat the most. Every pig makes you bigger and slower.
Everyone is an ogre and the pigs are loose. Rabbits are worth two, if you can catch one.

Carry eggs home to your nest. Shove a carrier to take theirs.
A griffon is dropping her eggs all over the meadow. She will not notice a few going missing.

Bring the cheese home three times. Mind the spiders.
Everyone is a rat, there is one cheese in the middle of the maze, and the spiders know it too.

Stand nearest the middle of the hill to score. It moves.
Whoever stands nearest the middle of the hill scores, and the ring takes their colour. Everyone else wants that spot, so shove. Every so often the hill moves on.

Hold the crown to score. Shove the wearer to take it.
A point a second for whoever wears it. It is a heavy crown, so the wearer runs a little slow.

Cover the most of the square in your colour.
The square is having its festival. Wherever you walk turns your colour, even over someone else's.

Light the square in your colour. Most of it lit at the bell wins.
The square is dark and every cobble you cross lights up in your colour. Cross the others' light to make it yours. Sprint when you see a dark patch.

Gather the honey. The bees only see you when you move, so stand stock still when they come. Most honey wins.
Grumbar keeps bees for the honey and has never once been stung, because he never moves if he can help it. Jars of honey turn up all over the meadow, the odd honeycomb worth three. The bees chase whatever moves, and a sting costs two jars: when a cloud heads your way, freeze until it loses interest.

The floor is a belt into molten gold. Grab the coins, dodge the anvils, keep off the melt. Most coins wins.
Grumbar's mint stamps his coins and sends them down a belt into the melt, and you are standing on the belt. Run against it to stay on, grab the coins and bars as they come, and dodge the anvils: one will knock you back toward the gold. Fall in and you lose a coin and start again. The belt only ever speeds up.

Watch the parade, then Grumbar says something about it. True: stand left. A fib: stand right. Most right wins.
Grumbar's animals walk past, and then he tells you about them. Now and then he is even right. If what he says is true, stand on the left before the bell; if it is a fib, stand on the right. Count carefully, because he miscounts on purpose.

Cook your order: fetch each ingredient in turn and take it to your pot. B shoves. Most dishes wins.
Grumbar is giving a banquet and you are the kitchen. Your order shows what goes in your pot and in what order, and you can only carry what comes next, so everyone wants the same egg at once. Shove someone carrying what you need and they drop it.

Search the barrels and crates by lantern light with A. Some hold a coin, one holds the key. Most points wins.
Grumbar has dropped the key to his strongroom somewhere in the cellar, in the dark, among a great many barrels. Search one with A and stand still while you rummage. Most hold nothing and a few a coin, but the key is worth five, and once it turns up he hides it again somewhere new.

Ice cannons sweep the yard and fire along their barrels. Keep off the line of a gun as it glows. Last one standing wins.
Grumbar bought a battery of ice cannons to guard the vault and fires them to keep warm. Each gun swings to and fro and glows just before it fires along its barrel. Three snowballs and you are out. The guns turn faster and fire more often as the game goes on.

Two teams. Fill a bucket at a well with A and throw it on your own team's fires with A. B shoves. Most points wins.
Grumbar's tenants have set their cottages alight again and he will not pay for new ones. Fill a bucket at a well, run it to one of your own team's fires and throw it on. Every bucket on a fire is a point, and every cottage that burns down costs your team. The other team would love to shove you into spilling.

Two teams. Shove the boulder into the other team's goal.
A big round stone and two goals. Charge into it to send it flying.

Roll the great cheese into your own circle.
A cheese the size of a cartwheel, and everyone wants it home. Charge it to send it rolling.

Shove the ogre into your own circle of power.
A sleepy ogre in the middle of the ring and a circle of power for each of you, in your own colour. Charge him to send him stumbling toward yours, and away from everyone else's.

Two teams. Every hit freezes a rival and scores for your side.
Duck behind the drifts, throw, and keep moving. A frozen guest is a sitting target.

Wait for FIRE, then shoot first. Too soon and you score nothing.
Five rounds at the targets. The quickest shot scores three, the next two, then one.

Stop the meter at the top. Three swings, best total wins.
Ring the strongman's bell. The meter swings up and down: press when it is full.

Two teams. Mash to pull the rope your way.
Pull the other side over the line, or be ahead when the whistle goes. Every press counts, and so does every friend.

Follow the barrel with the gem in it. Stand by it when they stop.
A goblin with quick hands and five barrels. Five rounds, faster every time.

The mayor is in the crowd. Grab him three times. Grab the wrong one and you are dazed.
He looks like everyone else, but he never stops walking and now and then he gives a little hop.

Everyone against the yeti. Most hits wins. Keep out of the slam.
Charge into the yeti to hurt it. When it rears up, get clear: its slam dazes and costs a point.

Grumbar is in a temper and after one of you at a time. Keep out of his reach. Last one standing wins.
Grumbar picks a guest to chase, and gets quicker the longer it goes. Get out of the way of his punches and his charges, and hop his ground slams: the shockwave rolls out under a guest in the air. Two hits and you are out.

Rocks from above, kobolds from below. Last one standing wins.
The kobolds have dug one tunnel too many and the roof is coming down. They are not happy about it either.

Grab gold while the meteors fall. A hit costs you a coin.
A shooting star full of coins has come down, and the rest of the sky is following it.

Swat as many rats as you can. One that bites you costs a point.
The cellar is full of rats, and more keep coming over the walls, faster as it goes. Swing at them: every rat you catch is a point. Let one reach you and it bites.

Grab the gems before the roof comes down. Most worth wins.
Rubies, emeralds and sapphires spill out of the seams: a ruby is worth three, an emerald two, a sapphire one. Where the floor glows, rock is about to fall. A hit costs you a gem.

Bonk the kobolds before they duck back down. Most bonks wins.
They pop up, they look around, they go back in. Get there first and give them a tap.

Three lit kegs. Pass them on. Last one standing wins.
Grumbar found a crate of kegs going cheap. Nobody asked why they were cheap.

Carry the eggs home through the maze. Shove a carrier to take theirs. Mind the spiders.
The hedge maze at the bottom of the garden, a griffon who keeps losing eggs in it, and spiders who keep finding them.

The wolves run you down. Last one standing wins.
Not many wolves, but very fast ones, and they come in from the treeline whenever they please.

The bats swoop for whoever is nearest. Keep away. Last one standing wins.
A cave full of vampire bats, and they are hungry. They come out of the dark from every side, faster and more of them as it goes. Sprint when one is on you. Two bites and you are out.

Stay in the lantern light when the grave-fire rises. Last one standing wins.
One lantern wanders the old churchyard. Wherever its light is not, the graves burn green.

Two start as ghouls and it spreads by touch. Last guest standing wins.
A double helping of the plague. The ghouls work as a pair, so watch both. Caught? Catch someone and climb back up the table.

Seven barrels, one gem. Stand by it when they stop.
The goblin has practised. Seven barrels and very quick hands.

Cross the goblin night market. First across wins.
The goblin market opens at midnight and its carts drive the way goblins do: fast, loud and on both sides of the road.

Strike on the beat. Most points wins.
The smith keeps time on his anvil and the ring closes on you with every blow. On the beat scores; off it costs.

Keep up with the war drums. Most points wins.
The goblin drummer starts at a march and ends at a stampede. Every blow on the beat scores.

Count the pigs, not the chickens. Stand on your answer.
A herd runs past with chickens mixed in. Right on the number scores three; one out scores one.

Count the sheep, not the goats. Then stand on your number.
A moonlit field and a flock running across it, with goats mixed in to put you off, and more of both each round. Count only the sheep, then stand on the number you counted. Right scores three; one out scores one.

Count the rabbits, not the ducks. Stand on your answer.
Rabbits, fast, with ducks in the way. Three rounds, each quicker than the last.

Slide toward the lava. Stop closest without going in.
Time your push on the swinging meter. The nearest sled to the edge scores five; the lava scores nobody.

Slide across the ice. Stop closest to the open water without going in.
The lake is frozen right up to where it is not. Three slides, nearest the water scores most.

Carry each gem to the chest of its colour. Wrong chest costs a point.
Rubies, emeralds, sapphires and amethysts pour into the vault. Shove a carrier to steal their gem.

Shoot the others. Your bolts bounce off the walls, and can hit you too. Last one standing wins.
A round room with hard walls. Every bolt glances off them three times before it is spent, and once it has bounced it does not care who threw it. Three hits and you are out.

Knock the others into the water with snowballs. Last one on the ice wins.
A sheet of ice with open water all round. A snowball does not hurt: it knocks you back, and on ice you keep going. Push them off before they push you.

Shove the others into the sea as the ice breaks up. Last one on the floe wins.
An ice floe drifting in open water, and it is melting from the edge in. Watch for the ring that flashes red: it is the next to go. Shove your rivals off before there is nowhere left.

Shove the others off the raft as it falls apart. Last one aboard wins.
A great raft on a swamp, and its ropes are giving way: ring by ring the planks drift off. The red ring goes next. Charge your rivals into the water before the raft is a plank.

Dodge the catapults round the pit. Last one standing wins.
Down in the pit with three lives, catapults on every side of the rim. Each boulder glows on the ground before it lands and leaves a crater after.

Lob cannonballs at the other ships. Last ship afloat wins.
Everyone gets a ship. A shot lands a moment after you fire it, so aim where a ship is going, then sail clear before theirs come down. Three hits sinks you, and the harbour guns join in.

Lob boulders at the other engines. Last engine standing wins.
Everyone gets a trebuchet. It throws far, the boulder takes its time coming down, and the engine is no quicker on its wheels. Three hits and you are firewood.

Type the word the sage calls. The first to get it right scores most.
The sage calls a word and everyone types it. First right scores three, then two, then one. Type it wrong and your quill sticks for a moment. The words get longer.

Type each word before time runs out. The slowest typist each round is out.
One word at a time, and less time for each. Whoever has not typed it when time runs out loses a life, and if everyone has it, the slowest does. Two lives each; last typist left wins.

Stop the clock at the time called. It hides after three seconds.
The clock starts, shows you three seconds and then hides. Press when you think the called time has come. Closest scores five, then three, two and one.

Hold your lit keg as long as you dare, then throw it. Latest throw wins.
Every keg is lit and nobody knows how long the fuse is. Throw yours before it blows: the latest throw scores most. Hold on too long and it goes up in your hands.

Get onto the colour called before the others drop. Last one standing wins.
The floor is slabs of many colours over a pit of fire. When a colour is called, get onto one: a moment later every other slab drops. They come back up shuffled, with more colours and quicker calls.

Hook a rival from across the lava pit and reel them in. A catch is a point, a haul into the lava three.
A pit of lava in the middle and a hook on a chain for everyone. A hook that catches reels its victim all the way back to you, so throw across the pit. Fall in yourself and it costs a point.

Hop the rope every time it comes round. Three trips and you are out.
Two goblins turn a long rope over the whole line of you. Hop as it comes down to the ground, every time. It turns faster and faster. Last one skipping wins.

One guest is an ogre bowling boulders down the alley. Everyone else: dodge till the bell.
The ogre stands at the head of the alley and bowls; the rest of you are the pins. Sprint aside when a boulder comes. If anyone is still standing at the bell, the pins win.

Everyone looks the same. Find the real guests and bonk them. Bonk a stranger and you are dazed.
A masked ball in the square: every guest dressed as a townsman among two dozen strangers dressed the same. Stroll like the crowd so nobody spots you, and bonk whoever moves like a guest.

Shoot the bandit cut-outs as they pop up. Hit a townsperson and it costs you.
A street of carts and barrels, and cut-outs flipping up behind them. Bandits score; townsfolk cost two, and so does Grumbar if he pops up. Aim with the mouse (or steer your sight) and fire. First to hit one takes it.

Trade three companies' shares at their posts. The richest purse at the close wins.
The Deepdelve Mine, Dragonfire Ales and the Goblin Cart Company, each with its own post on the floor. Stand at a post to trade it: A buys a share, B sells one. Watch the board and the news: each company moves on its own. Shares you still hold count at the closing price.

Cross the lava on the drifting stones. First to the far bank wins.
Rows of stepping stones drift across a river of lava, each row its own way. Step from one to the next as they pass. Miss and you are back on the near bank.

Cross the river on the floating logs. First to the far bank wins.
Logs come down the river in rows, some one way and some the other. Ride them across, hop when they meet, and do not fall in: the river takes you back to the start.

Run three laps as a sheep. Hop the saws. First home wins.
Everyone is a sheep, and the shearers have left their saws running. They come round the track the wrong way and swing across it from the middle. Hop them or lose your place.
Each one a whole game of its own, built in the same world.